Its ok to cry.

Nick's gone and I'm deep in the throes of post-leaving depression. I really hate talking about this because talking about it forces me accept, feel, and confront my emotions, whereas it would be easier to keep them at the back of my mind. But its like barfing, until you bring it all up you won't feel any better..and I'm tired of being queasy..sad.

My friend shared this on facebook yesterday..I love it.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love. ~ Washington Irving

Oh how much I relate, me who hasn't stopped crying since yesterday. I mean it hasn't been contiguous, but its been pretty damn continuous.

It didn't help that Nick and I got in a pretty huge argument today about our future and how much longer we wish to remain in a long distance relationship. I'm just ready to be done. Done with school and holding my RN and saving money and/or paying off my loans. I'm ready to move forward with my life. Though it feels like I'm going no where, I know thats a falsity. I do feel like I'm losing my mind. In fact, I feel like I can really relate to Brittney Spears right now when she did this:

Though in reality, I'm really planning on doing this:


I should probably be questioning why my huge coping mechanisms involve changing my body and pain associated with it. (i.e. tattoos, piercings and soon strenuous workouts). I guess I'll ask my therapist tomorrow.

Until then, I guess I'll work on a new knitting project I started. Blogger, meet scarf.