The 5 stages of grieving of a long distance relationship.

Today I spent some amount of time thinking about how I've been going through the grieving process for the past several weeks, and especially the past several days. The stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. One can go through each stage in order, skip around from stage to stage, or skip stages all together. Many people believe that one only goes through the grieving process after a death or a huge loss such as divorce. However, I have come to the realization that I go through this process every year when Nick leaves, and that many other long distance couples go through the same thing. In fact, I often call Nick's departures a "small death" that I experience annually.

Because I am well aware that Nick will be leaving at the end of the trip, generally for a year at a time, the grieving process begins before he ever gets here. It generally begins as anxiety and depression. I am anxious that he will be leaving, that I'll have to suffer and grieve, and depressed that he will be leaving again.

Denial - Denial sets in shortly after Nick's arrival. I "forget" that he will be leaving, and become accustomed to living with him, forgetting that within a few short weeks he will be gone from me for a year once again. This is probably a good thing, since it allows me to fully enjoy his time spent here. Immediately after Nick left, I spent several hours in denial, denying any hint of anxiety and depression.

Anger - Anger doesn't occur for me until days after Nick has gone. Anger helps me get over the depression, helps me cope. Generally we get into a fight, I get so angry that my depression is (for the time being) forgotten.

Bargaining - My form of bargaining is actually planning. I plan for the future, bargain to end this long distance and make this relationship local. I plan and plan and plan, I will do this this and this to get the result I want. I've been doing this a lot lately.

Depression - self explanatory, I guess. I've spent the majority of my time here. I go from anxious to depressed, feeling like I'm going no where, doing nothing, wasting my time. Woe is me.

Acceptance - I'm finally beginning to enter this stage, however it is intermingled with anxiety and depression. Eventually I will be able to spend 99%% of my time in this stage, however it can be a hard time getting to.

I'm doing better than I did last year, but I still have a long way to go before I'm truly feeling better.

Here's to the future.